By Evan Scherr
In Motion Staff Writer
In honor of the recent Campus Safety Month, let’s take a look at the many creative ways Daytona State College students find to be, well, less than safe. Some students deserve special In Motion awards for going out of their way to remind the rest of us what behaviors to avoid.
From DSC’s Campus Safety website: “We believe an informed college is a safer college.” In the interest of raised awareness, here are some examples of what not to do.
Some incidents don’t appear to have been the fault of the individual involved. In the We Never Saw It Coming category — situations such as a student who injured their thumb playing basketball on Feb. 23 or the person stuck in an elevator and let out by the fire department on Feb. 17. Embarrassing, sure, but understandable. Happens to the best of us.
Most incidents, though, could have been avoided with just a small dose of common sense. And the award for the Most Cryptic Parking Lot Incident goes to:
“Feb 11. Vehicle-minor collision, student vehicle and College Gator. No injuries.”
Inquiring minds want to know… A student hit a College Gator? Capital C, capital G? College Gator? It is unclear whether this was a gator of the reptilian variety or a student from the University of Florida. If it was a UF student, was a Falcon attacking a Gator?
“Feb 8. Conduct-Student put gum on another student’s vehicle.”
Is putting gum on another student’s vehicle the college equivalent of a kindergartener’s approach to conflict management? It is unclear what purpose the gum was meant to serve.
“Feb 8. Conduct- Student refused to give ID to Campus Safety.”
This student is the clear winner of the Award for Conflict Escalation. How hard is to it to hand over an ID? Too hard, apparently.
Award for Perseverance goes to the Vending Vandal: On Feb. 8, an unknown person damaged a vending machine. On Feb 9, an unknown person pried open and damaged several vending machines, according to reports. Was this the same unknown person? One vending machine may not have been enough. They may have had to come back for round two. Vending Machine Battle II: the epic sequel. It’s also worth considering how a person was able to pry open not one, but several vending machines. Impressive commitment to excessive snacking. I wonder if a reference to the Snickers commercial would hold up in court: “I didn’t do it. I’m just not me when I’m hungry!”
Best Laugh at Others’ Expense award goes to the student who got some good practice for being a police officer by arresting himself – handcuffs and all: “Oct 8. Handcuffs jammed during police tactics training. Removed without injury.”
Second runner up goes to the student who, on Jan. 12, decided it was a good idea to find himself a little online distraction: “Jan 12. Student allegedly viewing inappropriate material on computer.” Allegedly, of course. It may or may not have been inappropriate, but someone knew it when they saw it, as the saying goes.
Honorable mention goes to a “possibly intoxicated” student who turned to illness as an excuse to avoid admitting to, well, being drunk: “Nov. 25 Student’s behavior possibly indicated intoxication. Stated he was ill.” Then again, the report doesn’t necessarily state that the student denied having a little drink or two…or three. Overindulgence has been known to cause illness in college students, now and again.
Worst Use of Social Media Awards goes to four contestants – a four-way tie:
“Nov 11. Student made comments about instructor on FB.” What were those comments? And who reported them? Were they negative comments? Angry comments? Were they declarations of love? Chili peppers? We will never know.
“Nov 20. Student threatened & harassed student on FB.” If you absolutely must threaten and harass someone, don’t do it online. How could anyone think this would end well? And when, in a shocking turn of events, it ends badly, there’s a paper trail. Good thinking there, pal.
“13 Oct. Student made threat toward DSC on social media.” See above for clues as to why this was a less than stellar idea.
“Nov 7. Student referred to harming self in FB post.” Maintaining good mental health in college can be a challenge, as anyone who has suffered the rigors of finals week knows. Reaching out to friends and family is a great solution – just don’t do it via FB post, guys. Stick to safe, noncontroversial topics, like politics or religion.
And the award for Grossest Incident goes to this student: “Nov 17. Nursing student had contact with patient with infectious disease.” Yuck! I hope this student got extra credit and not West Nile.
The Who Let You Procreate? Award goes to two real winners: a student and a non-student who got in a fight over their child in public, on campus. Usually awards are reserved for DSC students, but in this case an exception will be made to allow these two exemplary examples of parenthood to share the award. The dispute occurred on Oct. 6.
And finally, in a category all their own, these head-scratchers:
“Nov 11. Student possibly has medical condition causing inappropriate behavior.”
“Nov 2. Unknown person(s) damaged college trash can in parking lot.”
Was this an act of revenge?
“Oct. 28 Employee concerned over artwork student made on computer.”
Details needed. Why the concern? What was the subject of this artwork?
All these anecdotes share a common quality — the ability to keep the rest of us utterly perplexed. Whatever the perpetuators are thinking — or not thinking — they leave us hankering for just a little more backstory. Unfortunately, this is all we get to know about Daytona State’s miscreants, hoodlums and hapless victims. What crazy events will transpire next? Who knows, but rest assured that this is not the end of the exploits of Florida Man’s little cousin, Daytona State Student.