Lyle Topping, Feature Writer
“What mental health needs is more sunlight, more candor, more unashamed conversation.”
-Glenn Close
The point of this article is not to take attention away from women’s mental health, but to shine a glimmer of light on a side of mental health that, for the most part, does not get the same recognition.
It starts when we are children. When the little girl falls and bumps her knee, we come to her aid and care to her cries of pain. When the little boy falls and bumps his knee, he is told to suck it up and walk it off. The pain is still there. It did not go away because one is a boy and one is a girl. Take it to adolescence, when a girl goes through a breakup, she is catered with her friends where she has a safe space to vent how she is feeling at the moment. On the flip side, when a boy goes through a breakup, he isn’t consulted and comforted. Instead, he is expected to pick himself up by his bootstraps and keep moving.
It all boils down to society not seeing it fit for men to show emotion, they are strong hunters who cannot show fear or weakness because that puts the tribe at risk. In reality, we are not a primitive hunter/gatherer society. So why do we keep these same primitive ideas? The answer being “institutionalization.” It is how we are brought up, and it is how we bring up. That is the main problem we need to fix. We need to make it more comfortable to have an open dialogue for men who want to seek help.
Raising a child is a full-time job, in and of itself. How does one combat toxic masculinity while raising a son? How do you let him know it is okay to come and talk to you about his feelings? This is the first step to breaking that “institutionalized” idea that men should not talk about their feelings.
Julius M. Calder, a DSC alumnus, is trying to do just that. “This has certainly been tough for me as I grew up in inner city Brooklyn with a father who was known as a tough guy his entire life, the guy was nicknamed ‘Butch’ for a reason,” he said. He goes on to explain the balancing act, “As much as I’ve tried to raise my son to be mentally and physically tough with a never-quit attitude, I’ve also encouraged him to share his thoughts and feelings, express himself and have open lines of communication letting him know I’m always there if and when I’m needed.” For those that think “Oh, that’s it?” the answer is yes. It was never meant to be a complex or complicated answer.
Bryan Beaulieu is an ex-military man, with two associate degrees from DSC (Arts in Criminal Justice and Science in Music Production and Technology). When asked if his outlook on mental health has changed since his days in the military, he said “100% my outlook has changed.” He went on to describe why. “Growth, maturing, and just an overall understanding of life and how people react and how people act and the overall human mindset,” Beaulieu. In this instance, it isn’t someone else breaking the “institutionalization.” He is doing it himself.
Beaulieu goes on to talk about a “fine line” when asked how men should approach mental health. “I definitely think the accountability has left society and I think people need to hold themselves more accountable, but I also think you should not be afraid to reach out for help when you have exhausted all other options.”
Beaulieu was asked a simple question. “If you could give your younger self a piece of advice, what would that be?” The answer was short and sweet, “Be nicer to people.” It is such a simple and easy idea, yet we as a civilization that make leaps and bounds with technology, who have put men on the moon and raised great buildings, still cannot master this elementary level concept.